Funny Marriage Quotes

Here are few funny marriage quotes for you peeps. If you are married am sure you can relate. Enjoy! lol....:)

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays

The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.

A Day at the Local Fair

As I mentioned to you the other day, we went to the local fair last Saturday. Akesha went on some rides and rode on the pony. Hubby and I are not happy with one of the rides because nothing worked. That fun house was a piece of crap, and we paid 4bucks for nothing. Anyhow, it was great to spend some quality time with the family.

Here are some of the photos. Just scroll down to see some of them.

Funny Marriage Quotes

Good Morning Folks! Another day another blog walking day! Anyhow, here's another funny marriage quotes I found. This is hilarious! This is how I start my day by reading funny quotes online. Some of them I can relate with. Have a great one folks! Enjoy!

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
"Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
"A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing."
"When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad."
"I have never really understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already well catered for in any respectable domestic establishment."
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel."
"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house."
"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern."
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

Another Funny Marriage Quotes

Hey Folks! Here is another copy and paste quote from me! :) I love reading this quotes...it makes me giggle all the time. Enjoy! :)
"My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact."

"The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead."

"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. "

"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. "

"Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them! "

"Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives."

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house."

"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. "

Funny Marriage Quotes

Good Morning Folks! Here I am again! Well, another copy and paste for me. You know me I like to copy and paste quotes or shall I say funny marriage quotes online. So, here it goes! Have fun!
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children they just about throw up.

Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.