“All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” -Raymond Hull
“The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.” -Bertrand Russell
"A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted"
-Helen Rowland
"Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give." -Cass Daley
“Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.” -Elbert Hubbard
"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open." -Groucho Marx
*“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”
-Henny Youngman
“When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.” -Prince Philip
"I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid." -Dorothy Parker
“When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.” -Helen Rowland
"Marriage is an adventure, like going to war." -G. K. Chesterton
“Alimony - The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.”
-H.L. Mencken
"A husband's last words should always be, OK buy it." -Unknown
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." -Jimmy Durante
“I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran
“Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” -Evelyn Hendrickson
“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” -Judith Viorst
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